MOVIE REVIEW #1 Killer Sofa (THE MOVIE)
MOVIE REVIEW #1
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| Don't sit on the furniture!! |
Killer Sofa THE MOVIE
(not to be confused with your mother-in-law's killer sofa!) (2019)
Run time: 1 hour 21 minutes (a minute longer and you'd wet yourself!!)
Genre: Horror (some say comedy as well, we'll let you figure it out for yourself!)
IMDB Rating: 3.5 out of 10
Directed by: Bernie Rao (also written by, so you know it is going to be super good!!!)
IMDB Link: Killer Sofa (2019)
Storyline: A killer reclining chair becomes enchanted by a girl and starts committing crimes of passion.
Trailer link: Killer Sofa (2019)
Full movie link: Killer Sofa (2019)
Is your recliner possessed by the spirit of a psycho ex boyfriend of your girl friend?
Is it still infatuated with your girlfriend and has now started committing crimes of passion for her?
Then do we have a movie for you!!
Welcome to Killer Sofa, THE MOVIE, so as to not to be confused with your mother-in-law's killer sofa who only eats the mail man and isn't really possessed but just a killer sofa made in Taiwan and sold by Sears Roebuck.
Whoever has either recliner is in great danger.
Big danger.
We're talking kill your ass and stuff you in the garbage can kind of danger.
Like eating your mother-in-law's chicken pot pie danger, the ones with corn!!!!
EWW!!!!
Yeah, I said recliner, because in the film, it's not really a sofa but a recliner, but pish posh, who cares, am I right?
Yeah, I'm right.
"Never under estimate the power of the beast!" some rabbi comes in at random to tell us.
Very scary stuff here.
I believe just by watching this film, you summon the power of the cursed dresser and possibly refrigerator too!!
Do not watch. You'll thank me later.
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| KILLER SOFA!!! THE TITLE SCREEN!!! |
My friend, you may have just stumbled upon KILLER SOFA!!!!!! And boy, you better be ready to get murdered by your furniture!!
And is your girlfriend spending a little too much time with the washer?
My friend, your girlfriend is a slut!!!
She needs help.
You better dump that girl before she gets you murdered by the electric tooth brush she is three timing you guys with.
Damn girl, save some electricity for the rest of us.
"Look at that girl, " the random lady says, also straight into the camera, no hand movements though, unlike the Rabbi who waves his hands as if he's trying to conjure the spirit of Wayne Newton to fight the evil that is the possessed recliner. "She just grinding away on that thing like it is her best friend Tom. Why she doing that?"
"I don't know, " says the Rabbi, "The beast is a terrible seducer of us all, I once fell in love with a toaster!"
"A toaster?"
"Yes! A toaster. It made me bagels every Tuesday and Wednesday, like clockwork. I almost married it but that's a story for a different movie!!"
Okay, okay, enough of that silliness, lets get into the movie, Inspector Gravy and his partner, I think her name is Gravy too, or maybe Gayer, I don't know, are investigating a homicide.
Opening scene we see a Dexter like character chop a guy's leg off. SCARY!
We don't actually see the chopping but get to see blood fling into a photo of the Hot Dancer Girl Friend who the chair lusts for.
I'm guessing this is going to be a Chucky the doll kind of possession, soul of a killer possesses the recliner (we'll call it a recliner, it not a sofa. Guessing the film producer, also who is directing and writing, couldn't find a sofa!)
Bernie Rao, the next film you make, call us, we'll set you up with some high quality furniture, primo prices too!!!
Or, KFU!
Soon to be on Fox.
Written, produced and directed by Bernie Rao as well.
Pitching you some good ideas Bernie, thank me later with a big fat royalty check made out to my favorite charity, CASH.
Gravy wants to ask some "qiztest!" I'm not sure what that is but guessing fairly painful.
Dear Bernie, again, the title of this movie should have been "Killer Recliner" Dancer Lady even says "I'm having a recliner delivered" when Investigator Gravy asks her and then hands her his business cards.
KFU is on duty!!! BOOM!!!
(And definitely a Chucky like movie, the dancer lady has a crazy acquaintance ex boyfriend who is totally nuts, cutting up people, leaving their decaying foot to be found by the police, she had to put a restraining order on him(the ex, not the foot!!!) two years before.
And then the recliner shows up.
"Oh la la la!!! I love how you tongue me Mr. Recliner, it reminds me of someone I use to know!!!" Lady Dancer moans. I kid. She doesn't really use that line. Be funny if she did!
The acting in this film is super awesome, almost too surreal, with super long dramatic pauses, turning slowly to wander off painfully, as seen in the first scenes with Detective Gravy and Grapes, it has to be seen to be appreciated.
Academy Awards if you read this, drop the rest of this year's film nominations and just hand the awards all to Killer Sofa!!!!!
The acting --- just awesome!!
The writing --- There are no words to describe.
The special effects --- the first signs of blood you'll be like, Yep!! Somebody got a nasty owie!
Catering --- I bet they had really good food on set. Probably cheeseburgers and milk shakes.
Did I mention the acting?
For some reason, they got this listed as comedy as well as horror.
I see no comedy in this master piece of a dramatic telling of a chair, in love with a beautiful dancer, and his pursuit to win her heart back.
A master piece in telling, Bernie Rao has captured not only the terror of a killer recliner, but his soul, torn apart by rejection of his lady love, a timeless tale, as only Bernie Rao can tell it.
If you see only one movie about killer furniture, let it be, Killer Sofa!
It is scary, heartbreaking, laugh out loud, and just what a person needs after taking some LSD.
I don't have enough paws to give it the true rating, it's like 10 million stars wrapped in silk and lace and doused in gasoline and set aflame so the Gods could find its appreciation!
The heavens would weep while watching this masterpiece and so will you.
Until next time, I'm the Movie Hound, saying AROOOOOOOOO!! till next time!!
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